The Not Thread-Worthy Thread

Honeysett wrote:Are you happy with the person you are? If yes then you don't need to worry whether it's a "condition" not everyone needs to be the same square peg into square holes. If you don't fit there's different holes...

I'm happy with who I am, but I wish I didn't do some of the things I did, such as pushing people away when they are all I want.

Finch wrote:

I'm happy with who I am, but I wish I didn't do some of the things I did, such as pushing people away when they are all I want.

Then you have to find a way to deal with that. If she is all you want then tell her that and explain how hard it is for you. even if you don't know why it's so hard for you.
And that leads to my second point.
As far as your previous self diagnosis posts is concerned, and I think it was honeyset that mentioned it, but seek some professional help to talk things through. You started talking here so seems like you want to change some things, maybe.

CD is right mate. Professional help just means you want to improve yourself. We could all do with some improvement!

But yeah it's easy to be hard on yourself sometimes so try be easy on yourself.

Good quote I always remember "Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love."

I still catch myself saying things to myself that I would never say to someone I care about, so it's still something I have to work on.

Finch wrote:Anyone else just lose motivation and have no drive for anything, at certain times? I push people away even though they make me happy, it's very counter productive. Just lacking that drive to do anything really, things that used to make me happy, don't as much anymore. Would rather just be in my own space rather than be around other people.


Anyone else get like that sometimes?

So I haven't actually read through a lot of the last few pages, just Finch's most recent one because I can relate to it.

This accurately sums up life, at least for me at times. It is about finding balance, and for some people that balance isn't a 50/50 split. The fact you mention pushing people away, I am guessing you mean your SO. Have you told them that you need time away every now and then? Just to do your own thing. For some people it is difficult to understand that. Like I love my partner, but I could very happily spend a week to myself and then fall back into the day to day stuff.

Are you burnt out? Like do you have a lot going on with work, hobbies, family, ect. Honestly there are many reasons for the way you feel Finch, it doesn't mean you have a disorder. Hell even if you did it doesn't mean it can't be managed. You could just be lacking vitamins or have a chemical imbalance. At the same time the fact you realise all of this and look to improve it, show that it is something you can set yourself to fix.

Don't work yourself up, or assume the worst. You could literally just need a little more sun in your life. I know some of this stems from your relationship, so touching on that. Communication is so important. Communicating the need to take some time for yourself. Communicating can be exceptionally helpful, as Mearcats put it. Relationships aren't easy, they are a fuck ton of work and compromises. The moments when things fall into place are the reward you get.

Definitely look into professional help, even if it is just another way to unload your stress. Talk to your doctor, and they can start a mental health plan. Doesn't mean anything is wrong with you if you start one. Hell I had a mental health plan last year. No one thinks of you differently if you are actively seeking help mate.

OK, so annoying situation I'm in at the moment.

My current girlfriend has been cheated on in every relationship she's had. Which fucking sucks because she's a really amazing individual. Now I've never cheated in a relationship. Ever. I won't do it as it's against my morals. However, I still work with my ex girlfriend (not in the same place but same company) for the moment. I'm her boss and need to speak to her regularly. Anyway my current girlfriend (nicknamed Bambi) hates that we still talk because she's been cheated on so many times and it's always with an ex. Now I completely understand that it's a difficult situation but I know my ex and I know me and neither of us would ever do anything.

Last night Bambi and I had a massive fight because my ex messaged me at 7.30 to see how I'm going with the other job and whether I've got the money I want etc. Pretty harmless however Bambi got really upset by it and can't escape the old feelings that her exs gave her. She freely admits she's being an idiot about it but she still brings it up. Too often for my liking. It questions I feel my character and integrity.

Anyway I made the decision to contact my ex this morning and tell her to only talk to me during work hours about work stuff because I need to protect my relationship. Well my ex is upset that I'd just throw away a friendship we've had for 6 years however she understands but she's pretty pissed off/hurt. Now I care way more that Bambi isn't upset so I feel I've made the right decision however I still feel bad for hurting someone else. I also feel bad that Bambi feels that way to begin with but I can't help that, she'll always carry that with her.

Ugghhhh I just feel shit.

Seems like you are in stuck between a rock and a hard place. Need to tell Bambi that she needs to trust you, which obviously would be hard for her, but it's the only way to move forward. Honesty is so rare but when everyone is honest, things seem to flow better in all aspects of life.


Glad you are thinking with your big head and not your little head

(Feels weird giving you advice)

Shit position to be in mate. Bambi is gonna have to work out her trust issues at some point.

Honeysett wrote:OK, so annoying situation I'm in at the moment.

My current girlfriend has been cheated on in every relationship she's had. Which fucking sucks because she's a really amazing individual. Now I've never cheated in a relationship. Ever. I won't do it as it's against my morals. However, I still work with my ex girlfriend (not in the same place but same company) for the moment. I'm her boss and need to speak to her regularly. Anyway my current girlfriend (nicknamed Bambi) hates that we still talk because she's been cheated on so many times and it's always with an ex. Now I completely understand that it's a difficult situation but I know my ex and I know me and neither of us would ever do anything.

Last night Bambi and I had a massive fight because my ex messaged me at 7.30 to see how I'm going with the other job and whether I've got the money I want etc. Pretty harmless however Bambi got really upset by it and can't escape the old feelings that her exs gave her. She freely admits she's being an idiot about it but she still brings it up. Too often for my liking. It questions I feel my character and integrity.

Anyway I made the decision to contact my ex this morning and tell her to only talk to me during work hours about work stuff because I need to protect my relationship. Well my ex is upset that I'd just throw away a friendship we've had for 6 years however she understands but she's pretty pissed off/hurt. Now I care way more that Bambi isn't upset so I feel I've made the right decision however I still feel bad for hurting someone else. I also feel bad that Bambi feels that way to begin with but I can't help that, she'll always carry that with her.

Ugghhhh I just feel shit.

I'm sorry you feel shit about it mate, I can understand that. Unfortunately I don't think there is a "right" decision. You've done what you think is the right thing to do and it's still bothering you. I think you both need to talk about it more. Not reneg your decision but just make Bambi aware that it doesn't sit 100% with you though you think its the right thing to do to protect the relationship at this stage.

Hardest thing in relationship is figuring out what to do just let go and what to fight for/talk further about.
I have a bad habit of trying to let too much go when I know it bothers me because I don't want to upset my SO and it ends up manifesting in my behaviour which is no good in the long run.

Honeysett wrote:OK, so annoying situation I'm in at the moment.

My current girlfriend has been cheated on in every relationship she's had. Which fucking sucks because she's a really amazing individual. Now I've never cheated in a relationship. Ever. I won't do it as it's against my morals. However, I still work with my ex girlfriend (not in the same place but same company) for the moment. I'm her boss and need to speak to her regularly. Anyway my current girlfriend (nicknamed Bambi) hates that we still talk because she's been cheated on so many times and it's always with an ex. Now I completely understand that it's a difficult situation but I know my ex and I know me and neither of us would ever do anything.

Last night Bambi and I had a massive fight because my ex messaged me at 7.30 to see how I'm going with the other job and whether I've got the money I want etc. Pretty harmless however Bambi got really upset by it and can't escape the old feelings that her exs gave her. She freely admits she's being an idiot about it but she still brings it up. Too often for my liking. It questions I feel my character and integrity.

Anyway I made the decision to contact my ex this morning and tell her to only talk to me during work hours about work stuff because I need to protect my relationship. Well my ex is upset that I'd just throw away a friendship we've had for 6 years however she understands but she's pretty pissed off/hurt. Now I care way more that Bambi isn't upset so I feel I've made the right decision however I still feel bad for hurting someone else. I also feel bad that Bambi feels that way to begin with but I can't help that, she'll always carry that with her.

Ugghhhh I just feel shit.

Elaborating on this a little further and bringing what both Filth and Krump have said prior into the discussion as well for some context... Please forgive mt ramblings if I wander a little along the way.

This is a proper tough position to be in for a heap of reasons but two that really stand out to me. I'll reiterate what Filth said that in this situation I don't think there is a wrong or right position to be in. You've done what you feel is right, and for what it's worth I also feel that was the best way to deal with an uncompromising situation. I would be reiterating to the ex that you definitely have no interest in losing a friend though. In my younger years, all to often I alienated friends (and even to some point family) for someone that I thought was important in my life and would be for a long time only for them to be little less than a speed bump a few years later. Having to work re-establish those friendships and relationships is tough. Worth it but tough. That leads me into the second point and what Krump said...

I'm not going to be one to judge (and I'm sure you already feel this way yourself whether recognisably or not) but attempting to have a real and lasting relationship without trust is almost impossible. I'm not saying you can't make it work, I've seen people do so but it's not a happy existence. As humans we are at our best when we are with others. It's balance. I'm not a religious type per se but one could honestly say we are made to be with someone else. Because it's fulfilling, satisfying and makes us happy. In most cases at least. But for it to be all that it possibly can be there needs to be trust. Sure, we have to compromise on things in a relationship but trust is something that if it is compromised leads to doubt. Doubt leads to animosity and a lack of openness. That breeds withdrawal and eventually things fall apart.

Seems you need to have a good chat with Bambi as well mate. That'll be one difficult discussion because it's tough love but I'm sure if you're both invested she'll see it for what it is. A declaration that you really wanna make a go of this but that it can't be done without trust.

I basically just wanted to vent but I really appreciate the kind words lads.

We had a pretty serious and honest conversation today. There's no distrust in the relationship and in her own words "Yeah like a defensive trigger mechanism caused by a longstanding psychological defect caused by everyone I’ve ever been with. I’ve got nothing to actually be jealous about, you’ve been so trustworthy and communicative" she's said it's more around a jealousy piece which stems from the type of person I am. Which is generally the loudest one in the room making everyone laugh. I tend to have people gravitate towards me as a result and I believe this is what she's worried about. Not me but other people.

She knows it's irrational and she knows she being stupid but she has these deep seeded issues that she needs to address. Bambi said she's going to get a referral to speak to her psychologist which is great news in my eyes, she knows there's an underlying issue there and she's willing to fix it for the relationship.

There's an extremely high level of love in this relationship despite it being so young (only 6 months in) however we've done a lot in that 6 month period which gives me great hope for the future.

Plus my dog really loves her and that's a huge bonus for me.

Relationships take work and usually I would have bailed out at the first sign of trouble or anything that required me to try but this one is different. Let's hope that it's the same feeling both ways like I believe it is and there's a happy ending to this story.

You just need to assure her that you're punchin Merrins

The No Worries wrote:You just need to assure her that you're punchin Merrins

Tru dat. Bambi is hot and has a special place next to that Welsh blokes Missus on my coffee table.

SI wrote:
Tru dat. Bambi is hot and has a special place next to that Welsh blokes Missus on my fap table.

Fixed.

Tru dat 2

So how's everyone going?

Tip top Filth, how about you?

I survived a school holiday weekend sleepover. Feeling achy and old.

Krump wrote:Tip top Filth, how about you?

Could be worse! Mondays are tough at the moment.

No Worries wrote:I survived a school holiday weekend sleepover. Feeling achy and old.

Top effort.