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Round 11 Write Up
It’s the rematch of the Wet n Wild showdown from earlier this year. The game that gave us the almighty moment of Greg Inglis going for that field goal whilst being two points down. What a moment. Hey if Broncos had signed him a year earlier than expected and he had his time over again maybe they wouldn’t have lost the Grand Final by a point. I really hope this game goes down to the wire so we can see if GI has been studying for his maths test. Hey Greg, what is 2 + 2? … Thomas Jefferson, sucka! The two most successful clubs of the old fossil era, this game is shaping up to be a do or die clash for both teams. I cannot believe that the Dragons are 5-5, they’re absolutely shockingly below average and yet they’re at parity. The mind boggles. Mitch Rein last week got his hair pulled like the bitch he is if you added in some light spanking you’d have a good night on your hands. I’m expecting this game to reach the heights of the cock of a midget, both teams aren’t playing good football at the moment. The Rabbits have the ability to play some decent footy but if rumours are true the players don’t like the Hitler like approach from Maguire, they weren’t bothered with his style when they were winning a premiership but now they’re cracking the shits when they’re losing. Hard luck fellas, pick up that bottom lip, take the tampon out and man the fuck up. I’d rather spend two hours listening to a vegan cross fitter lecture me about my life choices than support the Dragons, as a result I’m tipping the Rabbits by a Greg Inglis field goal.
FTS Sammy Burgess.
Rabbits by 4. (Yes that’s correct)
THEY’RE BACK ON FRIDAY NIGHT! Praise the lord! Broncos fans had the shakes of a smack head of day five of a binge but alas they can relax, parity has been restored. It’s the round of the Grand Final rematches, there’s three of them this week and this is the kick off. Big Brother got the one point win last time round with Stiflers Mum nailing the field goal from a mile out, Broncos fan went up like they’d won the grand final - was very similar to the way that the Cowboys celebrated.. except ya know just in an actual Grand Final. Broncos are 2/4 are against teams from the Top 8, suggesting they’re merely flat track bullies with a nice easy draw so far this year. I hope the Broncos players are well rested from their hectic travel schedule, the poor buggers having to move to the away dressing rooms would have been a strenuous task from them. I’m told by trusted witnesses that Darius Boyd pretended to be asleep in the backseat so that Daddy Bennett would carry him in to the stadium. There’s clearly 4 top teams at the moment and the Cowboys have been beaten by two of them so far this year. They’ll need to get their win back here especially at home, this should be an incredible game again. It will have a semi final feel about it, ironic given the state of Queensland will all have semis watching it. Getting punched in the dick or slapped in the balls, that’s what it feels like when asking who I support in this game.
FTS Oates
Cowboys by 2.
HAHAHA! Oh fuck me this is going to be awful. Save yourselves the trouble here lads, don’t subject yourself to this clusterfuck. The smashed clam of a fresh faced 18 year old being passed around by well hung blokes is going to look pretty than this game. The 100kg girl at a night club at 5 in the morning with vomit in her hair, make up running down her face with heavily chaffed legs is still better than what this abortion is going to be. There’s absolutely no winner out of this game, both teams are absolutely shit. Knights got the win in the first game this year, I’d be very surprised if they got another one this year. Reports are the team the Knights put out last week was worth 3 million dollars instead of the allotted 8.5 million. Honestly I wouldn’t have traded them for a packet of chips. Young team or not letting in 62 points in a game at home isn’t good enough. I tell you what I think it would be easier convincing Scar Jo to let me give her a pearl necklace than following the Knights for the rest of this year, but I’m a sucker for punishment I guess. The Tigers without Tedesco and Farah are about as potent as a limp dicked Hugh Hefner, luckily they’re against the Knights who have scored 10 points in 4 games. 10/170 if the Knights were playing in the Big Bash you’d be pretty stoked with that. Considering they’re barely playing in the NRL at the moment I don’t have high hopes for any future victories for the Steel City.
FTS Gagai
Tigers by 10
Jack Wighton, what the fuck were you thinking? The dumbest pass I’ve seen since Brett Kimmorley. They played in darkness last week and the Raiders fans will wish they couldn’t see that ending, shambolic and really pretty undeserving really, ah well such is the nature of the beast. The game last week taught us one thing if you get smashed in the face to the point where you’re bleeding like a stuffed pig it’s not penalty worthy according to the refs. The Warriors continue to let their fans across the ditch down time after time, Cyndi Lauper would be stoked. Supporting the Warriors would be like doing yoga for a year and then trying to suck yourself off, all the hype in the world but end up short and frustrated. As a seasoned veteran when it comes to betting there’s two rules I’ve come to appreciate - do not tip a Warriors game and do not tip a Raiders game. I would honestly have more confidence of out running Usian Bolt in a 100 metre sprint with a 95 metre head start than having money on this game. This game won’t be who is the better team, it will come down to who can fuck up less and let’s be honest you’d trust Michael J Fox more to perform heart surgery than you would either of these teams.
FTS Blow Job Leilua
Raiders by 2
The Battle of the Beaches. Anyone that’s been to Perth will know that this battle is for second with the mutts they’ve got running around their beaches compared to the 10s we’ve got over here, especially with Honeysett working on his tan over here. G string and all. Sharks will be extra fresh off the bye last week and the Sea Eagles will be flat after being smashed at their home at Suncorp. Sharks will need to smash Manly here to prove they’re the real deal, despite being one win off the top of the ladder they’re being demised by those in the know. The Sea Eagles with DCE as the only half look as lost as an EgyptAir flight. James Maloney is tipped to be playing for NSW in just over a weeks time, that’s right the bloke that misses tackle like Caitlyn Jenner is going to be the man trusted to win State of Origin for the Blues. Fuck. I’ve truly never seen a season like this, there’s really only 4 or 5 teams in the comp at this stage and Manly certainly isn’t one of them. The Pearl has come out mid week and said Barrett doesn’t have the tools to coach, harsh words from one of the finest centres around but he couldn’t be more right. Why Toovey’s phone isn’t ringing off the hook from the boys from the Northern Beaches is beyond me, he might be three apples tall but he at least he had passion, when he played the game and after it. There needs to be an investigation, into why the Sharks are on top of the ladder after this game - I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!
FTS Holmes
Sharks by 18
The Panthers are going under the radar, like that girl at high school that looked OK for a few years but had something about her that put you off, be it an over bite or a chest like a surfboard and then nek minnit she’s got a chest like a porn star and you’re wondering where the fuck she came from, just like the Panthers. They’re dark horses in the comp, a team I write off every week and don’t pay much attention to. I spent a lot of my younger years growing up in Penrith with my mums aunty who ran the Panthers leagues club, thankfully I wasn’t an under aged teenage girl and Gower wasn’t on a drunken rampage at the time or I might be sitting in a psychiatrists chair right now talking about getting turkey slapped by the Panthers captain. Luckily for me my baby face has remained cock free - what relevance does this have to the game? Well The Panthers are going to face fuck the Titans this week. The Titans have been rocks or diamonds and it’s incredibly hard to predict what you’re going to get each week with them. However what he do know is they’re more like to fold like Akira Yoshizawa. They won’t be around in ten years time, the fans aren’t there, the NRL run them for now and everyone knows the only good thing about the Gold Coast is the cocaine and whores, the women on the GC are as plastic and mentally unpredictable as the team they represent.
FTS Peachey
Panthers by 14
The Roosters just can’t get it together, they’re like an alcoholic. Couple days of sobriety and then they’re off the wagon again. Mitch Pearce I’m looking at you buddy. Please, please on the million to one chance that you read this, stay the fuck away from NSW. You could play for the NSW under 12s and you’d still fuck it up. The Roosters had a chance to make a statement against the Titans last week and just failed, when they had a chance to stand up they were like Stephen Hawking. Roosters are waiting for The Dream (Dusty Rhodes) Jarryd Hayne to save them when he’s not coming back to Rugby League, to anyone thinking it’ll happen - wish with one hand and shit in the other and see what one fills up first. The Dogs of War clicked into gear and stormed over the Tigers like the Germans did Poland, they did nazisee that coming. I for one (like roman numerals) think that the Dogs for whatever reason lose this game, I don’t know why I have that feeling. I just think the Roosters get this game together and win. By the way this is GF rematch #2 this week.
FTS Mitchell
Roosters by 8
Ah Cam Smith, his cock must get jealous of the rest of him because he’s a total dick. When is this cunt going to be shown up for the absolute ball bag that he is? The way he spoke the refs last weekend was absolutely disgraceful, but of course nothing is said about it. If this was Josh Reynolds or David Klemmer they’d be crucified. Yet Cam Smith can do no wrong because he’s a balding twat. Storm have had more injuries out the back than the girlfriend of a guy that “slips” Storm are building extremely nicely throughout the start of the season, they’ll slowly drop off during the Origin period with most of their salary cap playing in the greatest contest of all. The Eels welcome back Kieran Foran on Monday night in what I hope was purely his decision and not forced on him by the club due to their dire predicament, usually I make a lot of jokes at the players expense but this is a serious issue that I won’t be touching. All the jokes are said with tongue firmly in cheek so I hope whatever it is he’s going through I hope he’s on the road to recovery. I’ve tipped the Storm but I think the Eels catch an upset here. Unrelated, how pathetic is it that the NRL still hasn’t updated their ladder. They’ve still got the Eels at 6th, fuck me you pay these guys money to update your website. Tell them to get off POV at Pornhub and do their job. #3 for those that are counting.
FTS Norman Smiley
Eels by 4
Random Joke: So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back… Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.
It’s the rematch of the Wet n Wild showdown from earlier this year. The game that gave us the almighty moment of Greg Inglis going for that field goal whilst being two points down. What a moment. Hey if Broncos had signed him a year earlier than expected and he had his time over again maybe they wouldn’t have lost the Grand Final by a point. I really hope this game goes down to the wire so we can see if GI has been studying for his maths test. Hey Greg, what is 2 + 2? … Thomas Jefferson, sucka! The two most successful clubs of the old fossil era, this game is shaping up to be a do or die clash for both teams. I cannot believe that the Dragons are 5-5, they’re absolutely shockingly below average and yet they’re at parity. The mind boggles. Mitch Rein last week got his hair pulled like the bitch he is if you added in some light spanking you’d have a good night on your hands. I’m expecting this game to reach the heights of the cock of a midget, both teams aren’t playing good football at the moment. The Rabbits have the ability to play some decent footy but if rumours are true the players don’t like the Hitler like approach from Maguire, they weren’t bothered with his style when they were winning a premiership but now they’re cracking the shits when they’re losing. Hard luck fellas, pick up that bottom lip, take the tampon out and man the fuck up. I’d rather spend two hours listening to a vegan cross fitter lecture me about my life choices than support the Dragons, as a result I’m tipping the Rabbits by a Greg Inglis field goal.
FTS Sammy Burgess.
Rabbits by 4. (Yes that’s correct)
THEY’RE BACK ON FRIDAY NIGHT! Praise the lord! Broncos fans had the shakes of a smack head of day five of a binge but alas they can relax, parity has been restored. It’s the round of the Grand Final rematches, there’s three of them this week and this is the kick off. Big Brother got the one point win last time round with Stiflers Mum nailing the field goal from a mile out, Broncos fan went up like they’d won the grand final - was very similar to the way that the Cowboys celebrated.. except ya know just in an actual Grand Final. Broncos are 2/4 are against teams from the Top 8, suggesting they’re merely flat track bullies with a nice easy draw so far this year. I hope the Broncos players are well rested from their hectic travel schedule, the poor buggers having to move to the away dressing rooms would have been a strenuous task from them. I’m told by trusted witnesses that Darius Boyd pretended to be asleep in the backseat so that Daddy Bennett would carry him in to the stadium. There’s clearly 4 top teams at the moment and the Cowboys have been beaten by two of them so far this year. They’ll need to get their win back here especially at home, this should be an incredible game again. It will have a semi final feel about it, ironic given the state of Queensland will all have semis watching it. Getting punched in the dick or slapped in the balls, that’s what it feels like when asking who I support in this game.
FTS Oates
Cowboys by 2.
HAHAHA! Oh fuck me this is going to be awful. Save yourselves the trouble here lads, don’t subject yourself to this clusterfuck. The smashed clam of a fresh faced 18 year old being passed around by well hung blokes is going to look pretty than this game. The 100kg girl at a night club at 5 in the morning with vomit in her hair, make up running down her face with heavily chaffed legs is still better than what this abortion is going to be. There’s absolutely no winner out of this game, both teams are absolutely shit. Knights got the win in the first game this year, I’d be very surprised if they got another one this year. Reports are the team the Knights put out last week was worth 3 million dollars instead of the allotted 8.5 million. Honestly I wouldn’t have traded them for a packet of chips. Young team or not letting in 62 points in a game at home isn’t good enough. I tell you what I think it would be easier convincing Scar Jo to let me give her a pearl necklace than following the Knights for the rest of this year, but I’m a sucker for punishment I guess. The Tigers without Tedesco and Farah are about as potent as a limp dicked Hugh Hefner, luckily they’re against the Knights who have scored 10 points in 4 games. 10/170 if the Knights were playing in the Big Bash you’d be pretty stoked with that. Considering they’re barely playing in the NRL at the moment I don’t have high hopes for any future victories for the Steel City.
FTS Gagai
Tigers by 10
Jack Wighton, what the fuck were you thinking? The dumbest pass I’ve seen since Brett Kimmorley. They played in darkness last week and the Raiders fans will wish they couldn’t see that ending, shambolic and really pretty undeserving really, ah well such is the nature of the beast. The game last week taught us one thing if you get smashed in the face to the point where you’re bleeding like a stuffed pig it’s not penalty worthy according to the refs. The Warriors continue to let their fans across the ditch down time after time, Cyndi Lauper would be stoked. Supporting the Warriors would be like doing yoga for a year and then trying to suck yourself off, all the hype in the world but end up short and frustrated. As a seasoned veteran when it comes to betting there’s two rules I’ve come to appreciate - do not tip a Warriors game and do not tip a Raiders game. I would honestly have more confidence of out running Usian Bolt in a 100 metre sprint with a 95 metre head start than having money on this game. This game won’t be who is the better team, it will come down to who can fuck up less and let’s be honest you’d trust Michael J Fox more to perform heart surgery than you would either of these teams.
FTS Blow Job Leilua
Raiders by 2
The Battle of the Beaches. Anyone that’s been to Perth will know that this battle is for second with the mutts they’ve got running around their beaches compared to the 10s we’ve got over here, especially with Honeysett working on his tan over here. G string and all. Sharks will be extra fresh off the bye last week and the Sea Eagles will be flat after being smashed at their home at Suncorp. Sharks will need to smash Manly here to prove they’re the real deal, despite being one win off the top of the ladder they’re being demised by those in the know. The Sea Eagles with DCE as the only half look as lost as an EgyptAir flight. James Maloney is tipped to be playing for NSW in just over a weeks time, that’s right the bloke that misses tackle like Caitlyn Jenner is going to be the man trusted to win State of Origin for the Blues. Fuck. I’ve truly never seen a season like this, there’s really only 4 or 5 teams in the comp at this stage and Manly certainly isn’t one of them. The Pearl has come out mid week and said Barrett doesn’t have the tools to coach, harsh words from one of the finest centres around but he couldn’t be more right. Why Toovey’s phone isn’t ringing off the hook from the boys from the Northern Beaches is beyond me, he might be three apples tall but he at least he had passion, when he played the game and after it. There needs to be an investigation, into why the Sharks are on top of the ladder after this game - I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!
FTS Holmes
Sharks by 18
The Panthers are going under the radar, like that girl at high school that looked OK for a few years but had something about her that put you off, be it an over bite or a chest like a surfboard and then nek minnit she’s got a chest like a porn star and you’re wondering where the fuck she came from, just like the Panthers. They’re dark horses in the comp, a team I write off every week and don’t pay much attention to. I spent a lot of my younger years growing up in Penrith with my mums aunty who ran the Panthers leagues club, thankfully I wasn’t an under aged teenage girl and Gower wasn’t on a drunken rampage at the time or I might be sitting in a psychiatrists chair right now talking about getting turkey slapped by the Panthers captain. Luckily for me my baby face has remained cock free - what relevance does this have to the game? Well The Panthers are going to face fuck the Titans this week. The Titans have been rocks or diamonds and it’s incredibly hard to predict what you’re going to get each week with them. However what he do know is they’re more like to fold like Akira Yoshizawa. They won’t be around in ten years time, the fans aren’t there, the NRL run them for now and everyone knows the only good thing about the Gold Coast is the cocaine and whores, the women on the GC are as plastic and mentally unpredictable as the team they represent.
FTS Peachey
Panthers by 14
The Roosters just can’t get it together, they’re like an alcoholic. Couple days of sobriety and then they’re off the wagon again. Mitch Pearce I’m looking at you buddy. Please, please on the million to one chance that you read this, stay the fuck away from NSW. You could play for the NSW under 12s and you’d still fuck it up. The Roosters had a chance to make a statement against the Titans last week and just failed, when they had a chance to stand up they were like Stephen Hawking. Roosters are waiting for The Dream (Dusty Rhodes) Jarryd Hayne to save them when he’s not coming back to Rugby League, to anyone thinking it’ll happen - wish with one hand and shit in the other and see what one fills up first. The Dogs of War clicked into gear and stormed over the Tigers like the Germans did Poland, they did nazisee that coming. I for one (like roman numerals) think that the Dogs for whatever reason lose this game, I don’t know why I have that feeling. I just think the Roosters get this game together and win. By the way this is GF rematch #2 this week.
FTS Mitchell
Roosters by 8
Ah Cam Smith, his cock must get jealous of the rest of him because he’s a total dick. When is this cunt going to be shown up for the absolute ball bag that he is? The way he spoke the refs last weekend was absolutely disgraceful, but of course nothing is said about it. If this was Josh Reynolds or David Klemmer they’d be crucified. Yet Cam Smith can do no wrong because he’s a balding twat. Storm have had more injuries out the back than the girlfriend of a guy that “slips” Storm are building extremely nicely throughout the start of the season, they’ll slowly drop off during the Origin period with most of their salary cap playing in the greatest contest of all. The Eels welcome back Kieran Foran on Monday night in what I hope was purely his decision and not forced on him by the club due to their dire predicament, usually I make a lot of jokes at the players expense but this is a serious issue that I won’t be touching. All the jokes are said with tongue firmly in cheek so I hope whatever it is he’s going through I hope he’s on the road to recovery. I’ve tipped the Storm but I think the Eels catch an upset here. Unrelated, how pathetic is it that the NRL still hasn’t updated their ladder. They’ve still got the Eels at 6th, fuck me you pay these guys money to update your website. Tell them to get off POV at Pornhub and do their job. #3 for those that are counting.
FTS Norman Smiley
Eels by 4
Random Joke: So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back… Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.
Last edited by Honeysett on Sat May 21, 2016 1:09 am; edited 1 time in total
. Cant wait to read the rest. 
